who knew saving the environment would be so sticky

First let me say that I hold AT&T personally responsible for the last 36 hours of internetless hell I have been living in. They have directly caused me to finish a book, clean my kitchen, finish every stitch of laundry in the house, go to bed at a decent hour and watch TV. DSL my arse.

That said.

Let me tell you a little something about cloth diapering. Oh sure it is all honorable to go about disposing of my child's waste in an environmentally friendly way. Poop does not bother me, no way no how. I laugh in the face of laundry...(at least while my internet is down)...I have front a loading washer and dryer afterall.

Note: If you have the means...go buy them right now. I'll wait.

I have been using cloth on and off for about a month but today was my first full cloth day.

...and let me tell you...I under estimated the amount of stuff baby poop can actually get on.

Severely under estimated.

• One baby
• Three pairs of pants
• Two onezies (that last one was missed by the smallest margin)
• Two pairs of socks
• One Robeez (if there is only one of them is it a Robee?)
• The changing pad
• The changing pad cover
• The other changing pad cover
• All three of the emergency changing pad cover protectors
• The changing table
• The wipe box
• The basket the wipe box is in
• The anti-bacterial hand gel
• A Pampers Swaddler-the non-waste of which was ironically behind this whole lets go cloth thing
• Yep, you guessed it...the wall
• Oh yeah...lets not forget. ME

I am in no way giving up. If anything this has strengthened my resolve to do the right thing by the earth and my baby's bottom...besides there are 3 disposable diapers left in the house so it's not like I have left myself a choice here.

Now...if you'll excuse me. I have about 2 hours worth of laundry and cleaning to do....and when I am done with that 355 feeds (again a big shout out to AT&T) to sort through.

...going to be a long night.

hmmm 36 hours and that the best I could do huh...

stork bites

the thumb is always greener

This afternoon, regarding the grass seed Spouse had just spread on the property....

Spouse (pointing towards area containing new garden bed): I put some seed over there too.

Me: ehhh...I was going to put more plants there but...wait...is that grass seed in the bed.

Spouse (looking): So...(long pause)...Its not like its going to do anything.

Me: uhhh yeah it is...its going to turn into grass.


Jackass.

and again

I miss my Mother.

I know what you are thinking...."And??" Who doesn't miss their deceased parent?

It has been 11 years and it isn't getting any easier. Not that I ever really expected it to.

I am thinking of her more often now. It may have something to do with reading this, or this, or this. Oh and this one reduced me to tears.

No really, on my own terms I find a reason to think of her 15 times a day. I see what she is missing and it makes me angry. I feel that if I wish for it hard enough, if I will it to happen she will appear. I will be able to hold up my daughter and say. LOOK! Look at her. Isn't she perfect? Isn't she beautiful? Don't you want to see this?

Then other days I thank her. Look at this child you have given me. She was meant to be, I know it.

I understand what love is now. I think that is it.

I know what love is, and so now I really know what I am missing. For the first time I am realizing not how much I loved her, but how much she loved me.

It some how makes her loss fresh. And in that brand newness of sorrow~ I am lost...and I have to mourn her all over again.

there's something about Ernie

Seriously...is it just me or is there something clearly wrong here?

Observe.
Exhibit A:

The high end Pampers Swaddler (in my humble opinion, the KING of disposable diapers):

A healthy happy and clearly interactive Ernie.

Exhibit B:

The Pampers Baby Dry with stttreeetcchhhhy tabs. Although still effective, this is a lower quality diaper. A zoned out Ernie gazes at us. He has had one too many hits with the snake if you get my meaning.

This is the gateway diaper.

Exhibit C:

The non stttreeetcchhhhy tabbed Pampers Baby Dry. This is the Job-Lot diaper. Ernie is kicking back enjoying a cold one. Do you see the manic look in his eye?

I understand that a higher priced diaper can mean a higher quality diaper.

But a higher quality puppet?

Oh....and who the heck is this guy?

Lessons

I learned three very important things yesterday.

The first; That Lumpy is benign.

The second; The place I mentally send myself to stay calm during painful medical procedures has changed. It is no longer the rolling hills of my childhood in Vermont.

I now find myself in a soft rocking chair in the solace of Riley's room. Just the two of us, quietly nursing.

That is where I am at peace and where I draw the strength I need to fight the battles my body insists on putting me through.

Finally; There is actually a much better route to Trader Joe's then going through downtown Worcester. (For the record it's pronounced Wusta).

...well thank goodness for that.

Four

You are 4 months old.

You laugh and laugh and laugh.

You're entire body lights up when you see us.

You love to stand "like a person" and screech with excitement at your new skill.

You smile with flailing arms and kicking legs.

You have opinions and do not hesitate to let us know what you think, good and bad.

You love "your kitty"; Blossom the oldest of the cats who never seems to leave your side.

You are patient and so very friendly.

You are a joyful and happy baby...
...and we are blessed.

tastes like chicken

Chicken.

For me, chicken is one of the funniest words in the English language. It is. Second only to Monkey.

Funny word, funny bird but the idea of eating one is absurd.

heh

When I was 5 I asked my mother what chicken was.

She told me. (such a bad move that)

I threw a holy terror hissy fit, how could she have done that to me? How could she have fed me a formally living creature?? I felt betrayed. I soundly refused to ever eat meat again.

I stuck to it and was a veggie most of my young life. My diet was a battle between me and my Mother and there were times when she would win and I would relent.

But for the most part that was that.

I would no longer eat meat, any meat related product, or any morsal that may have come in contact with meat, a meat related product or a utensil that was used in the preperation of meat or a meat related product.

There was that pork dumpling in disguise in 2003, but thankfully I recognized it for what it was and spat it out.

Violently.

On Future Spouse's coffee table.

While he was eating.

...and he still married me.

My point...while enjoying Thai food last week there was an incident.

I was munching away when something very peculiar found in its way into my mouth.

This was my inner monologue:

Munch munch munch...
hmmm what is this?
munch munch munch...
This tastes really familiar...munch
I have not had this vegetable in a really long time (I actually did say that to myself...what is this vegetable?)
...what is this...
munch munch *swallow*....realization

Oh.My.RuntothebathroomandtrynottothrowupthatwasSOgrossbutkindofgoodinawaybutGROSSamaznghowitwasthetextureandnotthetastethatgaveitawayandIthinkIamgoingtobesickNOifIpukethisupIwillnevereatThaiagainandIloveThaifightitfightit!

...and that is how the clock on when I last ate meat was reset to zero.