Monday, October 6, 2008

I went to WebMD so many times that I got a hemorrhoid.

So I'm just wondering...

Why exactly is it that stores hide things like Preparation H and Tucks?

Is it some kind of sick joke? Are the managers up there looking through their big brother cameras laughing at my plight?

I looked under Itching/Burning Creams.

I looked by Medicated Ointments/Wipes.

Nothing. I paced the aisles at the over sized retailer becoming increasingly aggravated. My problem becoming increasingly aggravated. Having never had this issue before I was at a total loss.

I saw no signs for Embarrassing Ass Problem.

No Secret Sore Relief.

Suffice it to say the Get Your Anorectic Treatment Here signs were lacking.

Are they trying to make it so I have to ask someone? So I have to go up to the baby faced teenager stocking shelves and listening to their Ipod; the one who is yet to experience anything publicly mortifying with their body; and inquire.

"Where is the ass cream??"

Finally I spotted a grouchy looking older woman. She was walking as if slightly uncomfortable and B-lining for the Antacid sign. I followed her.

I saw her stoop down and pluck a box off the shelf. Bingo.

I never thought to look in antacid...I mean, isn't that, while still connected, a totally different part of the body?

When she walked awkwardly from the aisle I swooped in. There they were, boxes of my needed relief, on the bottom shelf.

WTF?

Adding to all of the walking and looking and stressing about asking I now have to squat to select my savior?

Oh cruel irony your name is retail.

4 comments:

Mayzie said...

I don't mean to laugh, but (get it, butt - hee) haaa haaa, haaa haaa haaa haaa!

When I needed such, um, ointment I sent the hubs for it. And, when he needed something for his, um, crotch rot, he sent me for it.

Hope you feel better soon.

Megan said...

Hahahahaha! That is awesome and horrible. And I almost feel bad for laughing. Almost.

Helpful hint. You can also use Cortizone 10. Same ingredients, easier to find!

Amber said...

Not to be a smartass, but I think the entire gastrointestinal tract is considered a single organ. That said, I would never have thought to look for ass medicine in the same place as stomach medicine. There's something disturbing about that.

I hope you're feeling better now.

Domestic Extraordinaire said...

I think you should write to this store. I mean there should be sirens and bright flashy lights pointing directly to the ass cream....LOL! Of course, then you wouldn't want to get it because of all the attention it would draw. Geez. *wink*

You know I am only joking. I can't remember what I was on the quest for not long ago but found it with the foot powder. It didn't belong there, but alas that is where they put it.

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