Monday, December 31, 2007

Physics? Well duh...

We are home!

Finally! 7 days in Jersey is about 4 days too long and when you add a 3 week old into the mix it is about 8 days too long.

Home. To the cats, the clean house and most importantly the arsenal of baby crap we have. We were at war last week. War with nothing but a pistol and 3 bullets.


Swing, bouncy seat, crib, bathtub...the list goes on and on. It's awesome.

Desperate to check my email this morning Spouse assembled the bouncy seat. Something I swore she was just too little for.

I have this to say.
Bless the bouncy seat.

Like a fool I was bouncing her in it. Bounce Bounce Bounce.

My foot was cramping so I stopped.

She started to wind up for a freak out. The flailing began.

And then what happened?

The seat bounced!!

HOLY SHIT!! How dumb am I???

She stopped, calming. The bouncing stopped.


Bounce baby bounce.
Blog baby blog.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Baby Before Blog

Where have I been this holiday season?
New Jersey, but that's not why I've been neglecting my beloved online community.
I've been held my baby.

Seems I must have spoken too soon.
Oh she still sleeps 5-7 hours overnight.

...take another moment....hate me...

Maybe this will make you feel better?
She is awake...all day.

Really. All day long.

So what is my day like with my incredibly cute but non-sleeping baby?


Really. All day long.

She has destroyed my left nipple single handed. It cowers in fear when it comes time to nurse her. Don't ask me why she has it in for only that nipple. She just adores the right one. Its clearly an easier nipple to get along with. Its her BFF. The left one must have said something offensive to her when I wasn't watching.

And when she is not nursing?

She is crying.

Really. All day long.

She has been super with our friends and family. She just coos and smiles and puts on her best "Aren't I the bestest baby ever?!?!" act.

Then they leave. And so it begins.

Give me back that boobie!!!!
No wait...who the hell is this guy? Daddy you say?
I don't need no stinking Daddy!
He has no sweet nectar of life!
I said...give me back that boobie!!!

And then she nods off to sleep.

For 20 minutes.

This is how is goes. All day long.

Until about midnight. When the coach turns back into a pumpkin and she sleeps for 5-7 hours.

At which point Spouse and I are pathetic excuses for human beings and everyone we know thinks we have the perfect baby.

Thank goodness she is so ridiculously cute.

They are made that way so you don't throw them in the river.

I know...this too shall pass.

Oh and before anyone jumps on me about the river comment...I would obviously never condone throwing babies in rivers. Its just wrong. Especially in winter.

Plus I am no where near the Delaware right no worries.

Thursday, December 20, 2007


Discussing my labor and its similarities of "inducement" ala BF.

Spouse: "You share a brain you might as well share a uterus".

Discussing the wait of 6 weeks for "marital playtime activities" and when the boobs will be his again.

Spouse: "I just don't know how I feel about's like having sex on somebodies stove..."

Discussing the babe's need for multiple Binky's in the house (just in case)...I mentioned they come in Vanilla and Natural scents....

Spouse: "Natural? Like what boob scented Binky's?"

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The M Factor.

Maybe it's just new Mommy jitters but I am starting to worry.

I am not the 'call the doctor' type...I have never been that girl I don't want to be that Mom.


My baby sleeps.


Like through the night.

Ok, take a minute...hate me.


Moving on.

At first I thought it was the greatest thing ever. EVER. Whose 5 day old sleeps through the night? The first time it happened I flew out of bed at 6AM thinking something was wrong with her. I grabbed her hand. She grabbed back and snoozed away.

So when it continued I was just thankful for my wonderfully sleeping baby. She would nurse all day so why worry? In fact, last night was only the second night in her all of 15 days old that she was up at 3AM looking for a snack.

And it was a short lived one.

But today....sleeping.

All day.

Really...that can't be good right? She has eaten 3 times since 7AM. How is that healthy?

For those of you that say 'Wake her' let me roll on the floor laughing for a moment.

There is no waking my child.

Seriously we tried to last night. She needed to nurse because she had been asleep forever.
Everyone I talk to is so well intentioned with advice but this is the thing.... I have tried it. I have stripped her, lotioned her, bathed her, made her do sleepy gangsta dances with her hat pulled down low over her eyes.

I did everything short of throwing her out in the snow and nothing, nada, not a peep.

She scootched, she squirmed, there may have been a squawk.
But she never opened her eyes. Not until purely exhausted from trying to feed a sound asleep baby I put her in her bed and turned to mine.

Then she woke up.

So today, since shes been asleep since noon I tried to do the same thing. I went to take a nap.
She is still asleep and with the exception of growing concern I am very well rested.

So I am worried. If it continues I just might call the doctor; however at her check up he said "If she sleeps for 12 hours and is lethargic there is a problem". When she wakes she is anything but lethargic.
Its just the waking that is the problem.

Oh my god how I wish more then anything I could ask my mother. I know I slept like this. I remember stories she would tell of how she would come in and pinch me.

(I still sleep like that)

There is nothing I need more right now then my mothers advice and its just not possible.

That makes me SO angry.

So my solution? Because I just don't know what to do.

The dishwasher is running, the laundry is washing.
Next...the vacuum.

If that doesn't wake her I am going to reconsider the snow option.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

...but pedicures will be a bitch.

Our daughter has my hands....long fingers...killer nail beds...

My Mother's hands.


When we saw this at 20 weeks we thought it must be some kind of optical-ultra-sound illusion...

Think again....

Monkey toes.

Sunday, December 16, 2007


3 little could they strike such misery into my heart?

Fwd: I must see it in my email 4000 times a day. I am done, I can take no more. I am speaking out....

If you don't have something to say...and more importantly...if you don't have something orginal to say. DON'T SEND IT!

If it's all means...I like a good laugh as much as the next gal...



Take out the...
etc etc etc

So I don't need to scroll through a message for 45 minutes just to find which part you are actually intent on me to reading.

Oh and don't bother sending websites...I am not going to look at them. That takes way too much time to sort out of all the other junk in there. If the site is important enough to send it should be sent in it's own email.

I repeat....copy/paste/title....send

I am a Fwd: hater.

An antifwd:ite.

Why don't I just delete them you ask?

I know you are asking.

Because I have to know. I have to maintain this civil liberty to get aggravated with my in laws...I mean the people who send them to me. Yeah...just 'people'....people in no way attached to me by marriage.

One of those know the one who didn't give birth to Spouse. She is INFAMOUS for repeat offending Fwd:'s. I say repeat because I take great pleasure in looking up whatever bullshit she has sent me on Snopes and then hitting "Reply all" and sending out the rebuke to everyone else she has deemed worthy enough to suffer her regurgitated propaganda.

And then what happens?

Cause I know you are asking again.

That's right...the following week I get it AGAIN!

So I complain to her, it's annoying. DON'T DO IT ANYMORE! I am very clear on this. Her response..."ohhhh dahhhling...just delete them!"


How about just don't send them?
Isn't that easier then clogging up my inbox?? Which for the record, is CLOGGED because there are very few people in this world who can resist the Fwd:.

I am proud to say I am not one of them, I resist. I am not even a recovering Fwd:er. I never even tried it.

I don't do Fwd:s....Fwd:s are bad.

Frankly...rude so knock it off.

I need to start a national do not Fwd: list.

Starting with everyone whose last name is the same as mine....

I knew I should have kept my maiden name...besides just being a better name.

It is not in my genetic code to Fwd:.

Final note...on the whole maiden name thing. Shouldn't it be the better last name that is the one used when a couple marries? Not automatically the man? This isn't a feminist attitude I promise.
It's about who had the better name.
Cause mine rocked.


...But like the lack of Fwd: DNA I lack the "my children's last name's are different then mine DNA."
Maybe it's just me....

Now I insist...Fwd: this blog to absolutely no one. Unless of course you think it was really funny...but do it on your own terms. Not because you are being told to send it to 10 people, or that it will add you to a magic list somewhere of people who will get 10k for their Fwd:ing efforts.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

There are no pictures of this little baby.

In preparation for childbirth Spouse and I took a class in Hypnobirthing.

We (really...ME) wanted a gentle, natural, quiet and peaceful entrance into the world for our baby. I of course wanted to do the right thing by my child but I had selfish reasons too. I can not be numb I told myself. All the pain in the world is better then being numb anywhere, much less below the waist.

Unhealthy emotional panic was attached to this concept.

Bring on the pain.

Now while the circumstances of our childs birth outweighed my own neurosis I still had a good run of 12 + Hypnobirthing hours in labor.

Go me...
psycho...what the hell was I thinking?

My birth plan did not go exactly as planned. Or at all really but I still was a Hypnobirthing champ at the end of it all. The Queen of Hypnobirthing.

For 36 hours after having our daughter.....I had another child of sorts.

This one took longer and hurt a hell of a lot more.

The first BM.

Now I can not imagine what the first movement must feel like with a vaginal birth...I was robbed of that little joy. I can however speak freely about the movement of the post-cesarean movement.

Oh lord above how could you create such torture and hell?

All you hear as a girl in regards to childbirth is the timeless joke. "Squeezing something the size of a watermelon out something the size of a lemon..." what they fail to mention is after you have pulled off that little beauty there is the whole "Squeezing something the size of a cantaloupe out something the size of a pine nut...".
Oh and by the way the muscles you would usually use to do that have been sliced.

The nurses distract you with things like stool softeners and questions about your digestive track. They make you think its a good thing to get moving.

I can not tell you how long I was in there. Or exactly the look of concern on Spouses face when I finally did make a limping, hobbling, sweaty appearance. What I can say is if you take Hypnobirthing for any reason it should be this one.

And with that here are my Hypono-affirmations.

I look forward to the passing of my first BM with comfort and relaxation.
I meet my first BM only with my breath.
I go inside to my first BM.
I am surrounded by a mist of bright orange that my BM vibrates to.
I focus my attention away from the negative barriers and toward the positive of the passing of my BM.
We are connected and I guide my BM gently out.
My pine nut opens wide like a flowering rose to allow the passage of my BM.
Everything flows perfectly like a beautiful dream.

...Now add some of that funky music and light touch massage and we have ourselves a better solution then half a bottle of Colace.

Monday, December 10, 2007

BF Haiku

Hours of sleep gained.
Sister, friend, baby guru.
Please do not leave us.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

I'm a member of the club and I have the card to prove it!


I'm back.

I'm a Mommy.

Wow, I mean I knew it but seeing it here makes it all the more real.

Everything makes it more real.
I am still in a little bit of shock I think. I look at her, and look and look and look. Trying to memorize every little part of her before it grows....or before my shock and awe is worn away by sleepless nights (check time stamp please) and fits of what we now refer to as..."Unrelenting Riley Action".

There is a reason she was so active on the inside.

We are still working on nicknames...not to mention a blog-worthy name.

Here is what we have so far...Pumpkin Seed, Muffin Butt, Peanut (this is what I went by so I favor it), Gum Drop..but really the most fitting is The Unrelenting Riley.

She never gives up...She never surrenders.

Her most important trait, that is why she is here.

I have always believed in her; When the nurses began to move not with panic but quickly and with greater purpose; When they had me changing position searching for a dropping heart rate; When I knew something was wrong.

They cut her out of me, they told us finally that she was a SHE.... and whisked her away. We just waited. I prayed.

And then she was there, and she was perfect, and so beautiful.

Relentless I tell you.

For all the stress she was under, for her itty bitty cord, for the meconium, her lateness and for what my doctor called an ugly and degenerating placenta....she was perfect and in her father's arms.

Relentless my daughter.

A time will come when I use this term freely with her again (I suspect she will be about 3) but for right now I am blessed, we are blessed by unrelenting perfection.

Thank you everyone for your warm wishes and loving remarks. It was a thrill to come home to.

Even if it had to be at the crack ass of "why the hell am I awake?" and with the newly forming skill of blogging one handed.

Like nursing. It is an art form.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007


I have news and I'm shaking so hard I can barely type!

Riley Hope was born at 6:50am 12/4/07 weighing in at 6 lbs 10 oz.

Mom and baby are doing well.

Clink will post a much more detailed post once she is home.

God Bless them all!

Guest posted by BF aka Liz :)

Sunday, December 2, 2007

If we were Patriot fans the baby would be here by now.

I really do believe that. Did you see the Giant game??

That is not however what this post is about.

Tomorrow, 7:30 AM I get a Pitocin cocktail. That's if the snow lets us get there on time.

I love snow though and we have Jeeps, so no worries.

I have been thinking about the beginning of my journey.

On March 13Th 2007 I had a funny feeling in my belly. Butterflies.
I had felt so odd the week before. I was at BF's in VT. I was SO dizzy the whole was bad. I thought it was the lump in my jaw pressing on my inner ear and throwing off my equilibrium. I thought it was the wood burning stove. I thought it was the MS.

BF didn't think the last one for the record. I remember her saying it..."I have seen you sick and you are not sick."

Neither of us ever thought about any other options.

I got home and a couple of days later I was sitting in the office (now nursery) messing around online. I was most likely lurking on Poot and Cubby or Moosh. I was a big lurker.

Like I said, I had butterflies. I also had an appointment with an ENT that day to check on lumpy. Since you all know, lumps shouldn't be ignored and I had been soundly ignoring mine since September.

With great determination I did not understand I got up from the computer; I walked downstairs to the bathroom....I picked up the pink box and took a pregnancy test.
I don't know why, I didn't really think I was pregnant. The thought had not crossed my mind that week. I also knew it would be to early to tell.

And there it was.

Bright as sunshine

The second coveted pink line.

I looked at it. I looked again. I looked at the box...back to the line.

I don't know when the tears started. I just know at some point I could not see through them, I began to hyper ventilate.

We were not supposed to be able to do this.

My old doctor told me so...literally, I quote. "There is nothing wrong with the gas station but the on ramp is a mess..."

Really, that is what he said.

So here I am so many months later. So many aches and pains, surprises and joys. So many complaints and just one little scare.

...and tomorrow is the day we have been waiting for.

...and I am so very grateful.

BF will post sex, time and weight when she can. I will be saving the birth story for when I get home. Thank you ladies for your love and support. It means the world to me.