Friday, November 21, 2008

my dog ate my blogosphere.

Not that I even have a dog but if I did I bet you it would have....

I've been a total flake the last few months I admit, and I'm starting to feel really guilty about it. When I think about it I have all of these perfectly sound explanations for my absence...but when you pile them all together they just sound like excuses.

I am famous for excuses.

So here they are, my lame attempts to rationalize my guilt over my blog abandonment issues.

-I have been really really sick. Truly. For over a month I was on my back. A cold, MS, recovery, some weird hacking disease transmitted to me by an evil mouth breather at a play group.

-Due to said illnesses I have been napping when the baby naps and therefore loosing all of my off-duty parent web surfing time.

-I've struck a deal with Spouse that when he comes home the computer gets turned off.

-My absence from the computer is in direct proportion to the mobility of my baby.

-My absence from the computer is in direct proportion to the neediness of my baby who, whenever I plop down at the desk, immediately stops what she is doing to whine and cry at my feet until I return to my spot on the floor where she promptly leaves me to go chase cats.

-98% of my computer time is spent on Facebook playing Scrabble. I have a serious addiction issue but I'm also frighteningly good at it.

-My computer is a relic. I have 0% left on my hard drive (seriously) and loading any website, much less my blog reader, takes for-evah. This gives my baby ample time to shoot on over here and commence whining...and bouncing up and down while pulling on my pant's so freaking cute!

-Even when said blog reader does load it has a gazillion error messages and won't let me read/link to the hundreds of back logged posts I am yet to read. Therefore I eventually give up and walk away.

-Something did seriously eat my blogosphere...well blog reader really. Among all of those error messages I have the mystery of the disappearing~reappearing posts. I was so relieved to see no one else was really writing either. It made me feel like I wasn't the only one. This was until one day I checked and people had like 30 some odd posts out of no where. Just a little glitch and I swear me and my ancient computer are trying to catch up.

-I am totally depressed and don't want to talk about it.

-Ok, I'll talk about it, a little. This is the time of year my Mom died. We are quickly approaching the day, December 3rd, and each day it gets just a little harder to function. On that same note however I have the pending first birthday of my baby, December 4th, and I'm really struggling with the duality of the whole situation. What a great opportunity to write and share my feelings with others who know exactly what I'm going through you say? How healthy it would be for me to get this crap off the hamster wheel in my head? Yeah well, since when do we do what we know is healthy for us?

Since when do I do what is healthy for me?

Well I guess that last one really is the heart of it.

Thank you for those of you who stick with me even though I am totally giving nothing back right now in our relationship.

You and Spouse are in the same boat.

Friday, November 7, 2008


Dear Fellow Mommy,

You selfish twit.

Did you think it was a good idea to venture out to a play group activity sick?

What stroke of genius did it take for you to not only park you snuffly ass next to me and my baby but for you to turn your head in our direction and cough.


I understand I can't live in a bubble (although I certainly do try my hardest) but I would expect a certain amount of common sense and courtesy when nursing whatever illness you have.

Why haven't you seen me in three weeks? That's easy, because we have been sick. Unlike you I choose to stay within the confines of my home when down with disease.

I have been living the last month or so of my life mentally curled under my blankets in the fetal position; things are not all rosy and half full for me right now. I made a considerable effort this week to attend the play group activity for the good of my cagey daughter; we both needed to get out.

And the thanks I get? A cough. A sore throat. Geee thanks.

Now even if my immune system was not seriously compromised on a level you could not understand, I would be miffed.

Because you are sick and have no business around other moms and their babys. Got that? Food store I get, we all have to live....superfluous 1/2 hour activity that your aggressive and mean baby doesn't even seem to enjoy? Not so much.

So in short. To you and to your fellow germ ridden bone heads.

Stay the hell home.