Sunday, August 24, 2008

there's no way out now.

My bag is packed (mostly), all the phone calls have been made. My Auntie is here to take care of Riley.

On the surface it looks like I'm ready.

Beneath the surface?

I am not OK.

I talk to Spouse about it and he tries to calm me. The baby will be OK, she will not starve, she may be mad...but she will be OK. People are here to care for her; he will be here with her at night. She will be OK.

But what he doesn't get is that it's not the baby I'm worried about. It's me.

I am not OK.

Yes, I am frightened about the results of the surgery; the side effects to both my face and the chance of aggravating my MS. But what bothers me most?

Being away from my baby. My sweet little girl. For the first time in our life together we will be separate.

Sure, I have had the occasional night out and pedicure appointment. But 48 hours apart? I can't imagine how much I will miss her. My breath catches in my throat when I think about it.

My surgery is at 11 AM today.

So here is to everything going swimmingly.

I am talking Micheal Phelps insanely successful- swimmingly.


Whirlwind said...

Good luck on your surgery! Here's some positive thoughts.

Amber said...

Thinking of you.... Please let us know how it turns out, as soon as you feel up to it.

Domestic Extraordinaire said...

((((HUGS)))) my friend.

Megan said...

I will be thinking about you today. Postive, healing, happy thoughts.

Mrs. Chicken said...

I get this so much. I felt that way when Shaggy was born, and I got a new baby out of the deal. Can't imagine the place you are in now.

Sending you well wishes and prayers for a fast recovery.

The Mrs. said...

Hoping for a speedy recovery.

Sus said...

you're in my thoughts - hope you're totally swimmingly.

the new girl said...

Update us when you can.
Thinking of you.