Friday, January 25, 2008

I have nothing.

Nothing to say that is.

Well I do.

I just can not articulate it. Doesn't that suck? All sorts of things are yammering away in my brain and they can not get out.

How fast this is all going. How I made her cry the other night. How I wonder what she is thinking. How she finally took a bottle. How my MS is flaring. How I am ignoring it. How I have heard I can actually take my meds and keep breast-feeding. How she may be our only child. How I am seething with jealousy that Spouse is going to the Superbowl. How I got my period at 6 weeks (WTF??). How Spouse quit smoking. How lots and lots of things....

But I don't write about them. I am no longer funny.

I used to be funny.

Casey said so.


And you should listen to Casey because she knows about lots of things.

(Do you see that, November! Talk about dragging your bloggy feet. Go on ask me how long it's been since my Baby Shower and if the thank you notes are done. Exactly.)

Everyone talks about the 'Baby Brain'....what they don't tell you is that when you have the baby, it actually takes your brain with it on the way out.

So you are left with nothing. Brain wise.

But what you get in return....

Just a teeny bit worth it huh?


Megan said...

Delurkering myself here! I have been reading your blog a couple months now. I still think you are funny!

My husband has MS also and I fear the day we have children. I am afraid it will send his MS into overdrive and I fear I will blame myself. I can't imagine being a new mom and dealing with the flare ups personally. I hope it settles itself soon.

And would you look at that pinky goodness! That sends my ovaries into overdrive!!

Michelle said...

Hey there. Sorry you're having a tough time. I had a child attached to me in a sling, nursing 24/7 like an African nomadic tribe woman, and I still got a period at 9.5 weeks postpartum. No pacifiers, bottles, or anything. Those La Leche people and their 2 years without periods can kiss my ass.

And about breastfeeding: you gotta do what you think is best. Even if those meds are ok to take, sometimes your body needs every calorie and every ounce of energy to take care of itself.

I did read in the JAMA that the exacerbations tend to peak at around 3 months postpartum and stabilize by 6 months postpartum. But I'm still learning about MS myself. I wonder what it means that yours is acting up this early.

In my opinion, your baby needs a healthy mother more than anything. One who isn't trying to sacrifice herself to do too much.

And if you do switch to formula, and people give you dirty looks, then give 'em the finger.

Mayzie said...

I'm so sorry things seem so sucky right now. I'm sure you already have, but if I were you I'd get as many different opinions from doctors as possible in regards to the meds. I have no idea how bad things are for you, MS is very foreign to me, but if it's bad enough to consider going back on your meds then I'm guessing that's what you need to do. The baby's gotten almost two months of wonderful breastmilk - you should be so proud of yourself for being able to accomplish that!

As far as the superbowl goes, do you have any friends who could have a little talk with the team to make sure they get to go again next year? Just a thought...

Anyway, I hope things get better for you soon.

the new girl said...

oooh, that baby!

I so know that *hairline!*

Anonymous said...

Congrats! You are funny - your words may come back to you soon. I too know the sad ability of babies to suck the brains out of their mothers.


Michelle said...

mmcdubose at coastalnow dot net

Don't know why I haven't included my email. I'm not postpartum, and I'm still full of brain farts. The regular kind too!

moosh in indy. said...

Little bit of brain out the boob every. single. time.
And I didn't even breastfeed.