In preparation for childbirth Spouse and I took a class in Hypnobirthing.
We (really...ME) wanted a gentle, natural, quiet and peaceful entrance into the world for our baby. I of course wanted to do the right thing by my child but I had selfish reasons too. I can not be numb I told myself. All the pain in the world is better then being numb anywhere, much less below the waist.
Unhealthy emotional panic was attached to this concept.
Bring on the pain.
Now while the circumstances of our childs birth outweighed my own neurosis I still had a good run of 12 + Hypnobirthing hours in labor.
psycho...what the hell was I thinking?
My birth plan did not go exactly as planned. Or at all really but I still was a Hypnobirthing champ at the end of it all. The Queen of Hypnobirthing.
For 36 hours after having our daughter.....I had another child of sorts.
This one took longer and hurt a hell of a lot more.
The first BM.
Now I can not imagine what the first movement must feel like with a vaginal birth...I was robbed of that little joy. I can however speak freely about the movement of the post-cesarean movement.
Oh lord above how could you create such torture and hell?
All you hear as a girl in regards to childbirth is the timeless joke. "Squeezing something the size of a watermelon out something the size of a lemon..." what they fail to mention is after you have pulled off that little beauty there is the whole "Squeezing something the size of a cantaloupe out something the size of a pine nut...".
Oh and by the way the muscles you would usually use to do that have been sliced.
The nurses distract you with things like stool softeners and questions about your digestive track. They make you think its a good thing to get moving.
I can not tell you how long I was in there. Or exactly the look of concern on Spouses face when I finally did make a limping, hobbling, sweaty appearance. What I can say is if you take Hypnobirthing for any reason it should be this one.
And with that here are my Hypono-affirmations.
I look forward to the passing of my first BM with comfort and relaxation.
I meet my first BM only with my breath.
I go inside to my first BM.
I am surrounded by a mist of bright orange that my BM vibrates to.
I focus my attention away from the negative barriers and toward the positive of the passing of my BM.
We are connected and I guide my BM gently out.
My pine nut opens wide like a flowering rose to allow the passage of my BM.
Everything flows perfectly like a beautiful dream.
...Now add some of that funky music and light touch massage and we have ourselves a better solution then half a bottle of Colace.