Tonight I sat in the nursery for what seemed like hours.
I rocked. Rock rock rock.
I bounced. Bounce bounce bounce.
I sang. Every song in my repertoire. Over and over.
The songs I sang to my belly when she was inside me. The ones I sang to her in the hospital. The songs I sing in the shower, or to myself in the car.
All of them. Over and over.
My poor baby just couldn't, wouldn't sleep.
Exhausted myself I tilted my head back and dozed. I hummed. Somewhere in between the sleep and waking I caught a melody. Soon the words formed and I began to sing. Words that I don't think have crossed my lips in almost a decade.
Has it been that long since I have even hummed the tune?
Amazing how our heads can forget but our hearts remember the words...I was singing a song that cuts to the quick of my childhood.
I went to a sleep away farm camp in Vermont from the age of 7 to 18. This was a down to earth hippie camp that is the foundation of who I am. Although I was raised in New Jersey; I have always maintained that I grew up in Vermont.
Without even realizing it I sang with ease to the end. The cherished song I learned sitting around a camp fire, star gazing and dreaming of what my life just might hold in store for me.
I thought of my dear friend Mayzie, and how she would understand the ache in my heart; she had sat with me so many years ago in a different world singing The Circle Game.
Tonight I was totally enveloped in the beauty that life has blessed me with. These are the things I may have dreamed of when I was small and hidden in that quiet valley of southern Vermont.
Until tonight I never realized how very far away I felt from the child that I was; I wasn't sure why...maybe because I held my own child in my arms.